2010

Yes, I see
Something new building up
Around me.

Is it sacrifice?
Denying myself from the ones I love.
or am I punishing them with my absence?

A couple weeks ago I felt stupid for torturing myself.
What am I trying to prove?
And then I realized it's just about me
as it should always be.

Someone I met recently mentioned "Divine Order"
and though the term was foreign I knew its meaning.

Those special people that hold a sacred place
They are in my life to challenge me.
And though I dont know what I mean to them
That's not what's important.

" to look life in the face and know it for what it is, to love it for what it is, and then to put it away "

I think of myself as Virginia Woolf.
She had to get away from London life in order to get some peace.
I too needed the peace.

And now I feel rested
and ready to tackle a new phase of my life.
Yes, I need the support from a bigger source
and loose the pills and vodka nights.

That's not to say
I cant have fun.

I feel like Ive been filled with hope again.
A sense of adventure everywhere I look.
Maybe Ill be moving to Chile.
Maybe take a trip to New Mexico.
What's in store for me?
Only I can explore.

Still, I wish I could share this
with people who have original thoughts.
I get bored with cookie cutter theories
and denial of human nature.

Maybe one day I'll be able to swallow my pride
and say I'm sorry for letting you cloud my mind.