Sunday nights are ussually deppressing, but today has been more deppressing than usual...Holiday season is getting near and like every year I feel like there is something missing in my life, and I dont know whats missing....Is it love? material things? I just dont know...but as always I am at a point where I cant even think of anything that would make me content...
Lately the only thing I look fordward to is the week end...Not having to worry about work is a big load off my back and I love not having to be anywhere....Though I must admit that friday and saturday nights have become nights where i get completly wasted, I seem to enjoy that escape, I laugh, and I have briliant thoughts, its great...
I really enjoy spending time with Billy...when Im with him I can put all my problems aside and feel happy...he is my anti drug while Im with him,lol....Thursday was my birthday, and eventhough he had forgotten and I had to remind him....he made it very special :) he took me to lunch and bought me flowers, and then he took me to green hills grill for dinner later that night....we spent all day together just the two of us...and that was exactly what I needed on my birthday...there isnt a greater gift than the gift of friendship....
I really feel like I need a change in my life...and Im pretty sure that the chage I need is moving into my own place. I need a place where I can think, a place where I can get everything organized the way I want...Im tired of having to hide my personal things in my own room, tired of kids using my expensive shampoo for bath bubbles, tired of having to hide my tooth brush so it doesnt "accidentally" get used by someone else, Im tired setting limits to everything I do...I know for a fact that when I am home I am not myself...and my life would be so much better if I was myself 24/7.....
Sometimes I worry that it might not work out, much like most the things that I plan for....but I will never know till I try.
My brother is moving to West Hollywood....and I almost envy him! I want to move to west Hollywood and go to film school! thats where things happen, that is where my dream would come true,lol...although I WILL miss him, I think its great that he is taking such a huge step...things could go bad for him there, but things could also go great...you never know till you take a chance...I wish him all the luck in the world :)....and that way I will have someone to visit when I go :)
I want so much right now I feel Im going insane...I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT!!!!
GOODNIGHT!
