Country Roads

I watched the sunset the other day, it was beautiful...and yet I was completely unaware of what I was seeing...Sitting on the roof of my apartment building talking on the phone with my mother trying to descrive to her how beautiful the golden light looked over the city of angels. Still, I think back on that moment and I dont feel like I was really there...It is like my mind was somewhere else...perhaps back in Nashville talking and drinking a cup of tea with her...watching her smile.

I feel like much of my life is spent in that state of mind...instead of living in the moment and experiencing what's around me I dream about being somewhere else...or even ways the moment could be "better" - meanwhile I miss out on the beauty and opportunities around me.

I just watched a movie called "Whisper of the Heart" for the second time this weekend...I just love it, it really inspires me...like most of Hayao Miyazaki's films do. I feel so confused at times...I so want to make a great inspirational movie but I never make an effort to write anything, it is like I am afraid I cant do it....like I assume I will fail before I start. It is such an anoying state of mind but I know I can beat it...I just have to do it - there is nothing stoping me execept for myself.

Right now I am sitting in the dark. The kitchen light is on and in there I can see the table my brother brought me. On the table there is a tall brown paper bag and an empty bottle of wine. The kitchen floor is white and black tiles like a checker board. The way I am sitting looking at the kitchen thru the door frame is beautiful....the contrast of the light and the dark reminds me of an old painting. This is the kind of inspiration I need...It is all around me