chapter 7: The Last Punch

we sat there in silence for a few minutes as we devoured our dollar menu chicken sandwich.
he seemed pleased as he desperately gasped for air once the last precious bite slid down his throat. ten piece nuggets and double cheese burgers are next.
the song changes, I cant recall what it was...

in my car I felt overwhelmed with memories of past times. the possibilities that exist and still i find myself in a hole i cant seem to climb out of.

i sat the unopened box of nuggets by the gear handle. he opens the box and sets it down, but it tips over and the nuggets fall under the seat. if it had been anyone else i would have laughed and picked up the pieces and ate them without thinking anything about it.

i slapped him like a mother slaps her child. he slapped back as if rebelling for the first time.
a game of dominance that i later realized i was only playing with myself.
i threw it all at him, honey mustard and all...

i threw the first punches and then we began to dance in circles.
a fist grabbed my hair tight as we simultaneously hit the ground.
i began to cry as i held him in my arms while he struggled to break free.
i made him bleed over chicken nuggets.

spring

I thought I knew the steps to this simple dance
square in its nature
round as the wheel of life.

I thought I knew of truths and prophecies unfolding
accepting what is mine is not an easy task.
Blindfolded in my humanity again I seek within

I wonder what the view is like from your eyes
do you see?

The countdown begins.
Naked with an audience
and I feel numb inside...

Breath in
count sheep
breath out
its okay to cry...

Spring is here.

broken

he told me one day I would understand.
the dance is more than teenage love and wine
with paint stains i drove in the dark
a lonely road ahead.
erase the tracks.

next slide.

our energies ignite a light only we can explore
and through the glass i feel its warmth
from times of romantic tragedy
poisoned daggers try once more

next slide.

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toxic shame

silent and smiling I sat there listening to what was being said before me....
in the spotlight of my mind I looked around to see them looking back.

A toxic shame grew inside of me,
afraid of what they might see within
I smiled.

I gave them what I thought they wanted to hear
A cancerous force denied it
the voices pointed fingers to the sky
I cant scream.

I love her...

Merry Christmas

I kept to myself as I sat beneath the hanging spider plant and thought that the best way for me to write is by doing so as the moment is unfolding...

And yet I was too shy to take out my pen and notepad to write in the presence of Jeff, Brian, and Dustin...

I wanted to capture what I felt.

A Christmas miracle...
One lonely frozen young chicken given to me by Gil.
Celary sticks from the Downtown Central Market Bryan introduced me to.
Spices and kitchen stuff from Dustin's Pantry

A fresh morning after a stormy night...
A friendship grows as we make dinner plans.
Dont forget the potatoes.
Smoking Cigarretes as a familiar neighbor joins our destined feast.
He brings the legumes and exotic seeds to balance our needs.

Flesh eating bacteria cant survive when you feel this good.
Dont be sad...
Bella and Boomer at the dog park in pure bliss.
You and I.
Whats the point?
It's the Joy

As we dig in the King and Queen of the court drop by.
Happy Anniversary
beautiful you are, do you know?

A glass of wine...
A hit or two from the glass bowl
Nintendo Wii

Smoking breaks are fresh air breaks.

I want to make Japanese bananna cake.

I will see you soon dear.

Merry Christmas.

Listen to the music

By now I must seem a bit crazy.
He smiles discretetly and pretends to look away.

In the field I saw a joyful existance...
beauty I had not yet the eyes to see.
Until now.

A baby is growing inside your belly,
beautiful woman.
Your smile makes me smile.

And the little girl looks at her mother.
"Today is a special day"
Your light is magnificent.

Thank you for the songs you played for me.
The melody holds me closer to that moment of magic.
I mean it.

Life is so strange.

Presidential Debates

Healthcare.
WAR.
Illegal ALIENS.
GAYS in the military.
GLOBAL WARMING.

Peace?

What role do I have in this society?
I dont want to be some insane activist...nor do I want to be some zombie.
I dont want to be a peace loving hippie...nor do I want to be a conservative fanatic.

Its not that I dont care...
I think I care too much.
I dont want to be labeled as anything.
limits my soul.
does that sound stupid and new agey?
I dont care what you think.
really I dont.
but I do.

Jaded.
Presidential debates are sad.
I even find it hard to trust Hilary.
I crave the change that is upon us.

CONTRAST.
Happy Hannukah.
Happy Birthday to me...
I look down at the city from my roof top dream.
hookers.
crackheads.
and me.

What am I doing?
where am I going?
Im tired of you people.
just SMILE.
I miss my mother.

With open eyes I travel.
up the mountains I find a shelter.
with you I grow.
find me.
find me now.
and lets be happy.

Did you hear the latest?
GOSSIP
stop it FAGS

I apologize.